Fast food meltdown

“May I take your order?” the mumbled voice behind the menu says.

“Uh, yeah. I’ll have a number two with a large Diet Coke,” I say, coolly.

“That’s a number five with a large Mt. Dew?”

“Um. No. I want a numberrrr twoooo with a larrrrge Dieeeet Cooooke!”

“A number two with a coke?”

“LARGE. DIET. COKE!”

“[Inaudible...] forward please.”

That’s a recent experience at a fast food restaurant’s drive through window — we’ve all had them. But hasn’t our technology advanced far enough to change the way we order at fast food places? You’d think by now a computer would tally orders at the menu screen and all the person at the window would have to do is take your money and give you your order.

But no. We’re still stuck with the mumbled voice box that screeches and crackles and gives us the number five when we really want the number two.

Many drive-throughs now feature those little computer screens that show you what you ordered, and they are supposed to help the people inside get the orders straight when the little voice boxes are mumbled. The only problem is that someone keeps busting them and etching the words “King size this” across their mangled, shattered faces.

Another option is to abandon the voice box all together and have someone walk out of the little door behind the restaurant to take our orders. Now that would be a nice touch, wouldn’t it? And it would be a lot more pleasant than telling a speaker box what you want for lunch. They could punch the orders into a handheld computer device, which in turn would relay orders to the kitchen and drive-through window. How hard would that be?

Another problem I have with fast food places is that they are never as advertised. Have you seen those juicy, delicious, mouthwatering burgers on television and on the menu? Wow, those things look good don’t they?
But where can I buy one?

Not at the restaurants, apparently. Sure, sometimes you get something that looks almost as good as advertised, but that’s not good enough for me. I want my lettuce to be green and crispy, my tomato to be plump and juicy and my onions to glisten like they are fresh from the garden.

Well, that’s the way they look on TV isn’t it? It’s only fair they look that way when you purchase them.
One time I ordered a burger and said I only wanted mustard on it, and that’s just what they gave me. I got a bun, meat and mustard. I thought the person who made that burger should have gotten the literal person of the year award.

I know some of you are saying, “Come on, it’s just fast food, what do you expect?” And you have a point. I know these workers have it tough, with minimum wage and long hours on their feet. I do take my hat off to them, truly.

And most of them do a great job. But there are some that need a little work on their people skills. I’ll bet you’ve dealt with someone at the drive through window who never smiled. I actually had someone completely ignore me during my two minute stay at the window. Her blank face was almost too much for me, and I thought a couple of times about screaming, “Hello! Do you see me here?”

Maybe she was too busy eating those great looking burgers that appear on TV to talk to me.